Anyone Can Compete for the Crown

Download and fill out an “Offishul” Application by May 1st
(Deadline not strictly enforced, but it makes things much easier for the Queens.)

Get your Rutabaga Queen Application to Queen Lotta Paintbuckets (aka Kati Texas): or call (707) 786-3443
or just go find her… she’s around Humboldt somewhere.

Here's what to expect from the competition:

The 3 Rounds of the Rutabaga Ball

1. Ball Gown: Wear your fanciest finery. Be ready to answer the emcees questions, we might ask you anything.  

2. Bay Crossing: Our answer to the "Swimsuit" category: You don't have to get in a swimsuit and prance around in front of the Kinetic Universe unless you want to, but what would you wear during the fabulous Bay Crossing on Day 2 of the Kinetic Grand Championship? How would you cross the Bay without getting eaten by those notorious man eating clams?

3. Talent: What is your Queenly Talent? You are welcome to interpret "talent" as you please. Please limit your talent to six minutes … because we know you can impress us faster than that!


What is a bribe?: There is a long standing tradition of bribing “offishuls” in the sport of Kinetics, and we Queens do love tradition.  A bribe is anything that bestows glory onto the judges and others, any nice thing you make or do. Bribes should be an extension of your creative approach to the 3 rounds.  It should also have your name on it if it is an actual thing.  Things get’s pretty chaotic at the judging table.

How many bribes?: During the ball you will have 3 opportunities to bribe your 5 to 7 official judges, and two MC's.  You might choose to prepare bribes for 20 or more dignitaries, plus crowd bribes (think Mardis Gras throws), just in case.

When to Bribe:  At the Ball.  The contest starts and ends at the Ball.  During your moment in the spotlight for each of 3 rounds, you may bribe.  Please do not interrupt anyone else's turn.


The Rutabaga Ball, like all Kinetic Universe events, is for Kinetic fans of all ages. 
Please keep it family friendly.  It is after dark, though, and we serve alcohol, so shoot for PG13.

Who Can Compete

There is no age or gender requirement to run for Rutabaga Queen.  Minors will need to have a parent or guardian signed permission slip, and a parent or guardian accompanying them during the Rutabaga Ball and at the Kinetic Grand Championship.  Be aware that although it is an all ages event, there is alcohol served at the Ball.


Registered contestants will receive 6 free entourage tickets to do with as they please.
When the doors open at 7pm, backstage goes private and quiet.
Backstage is a QUIET ZONE!  Candidates will lose points for making too much noise backstage as it is distracting during other candidates’ moment in the spotlight.


    Wouldn’t you like to know.

Some Queenly Advice from the Queens

  • A Rutabaga Queen is an indefinable force of nature. Each Rutabaga Queen forges her/his/its own path to the crown. The first Rutabaga Queen was spontaneously self-declared. As such, we like to keep things ambiguous and open to interpretation. That being said, we're rooting for you! So, if you're going to run for Rutabaga Queen, here are some clues that will take you far:
  • Follow Rules A & H of the Kinetic Grand Championship.
  • Most Rutabaga Queens are happy to answer questions.  Don’t hesitate to contact us with questions.
  • Bribes are a form of audience participation, not our way of getting you to give us a bunch of stuff.  You can not buy this crown.  The best bribes are fun for everyone.
  • If you win the crown, you will be wanting to hand out bribes during the KGC.  Think ahead, but don't dare pass out "Queen" bribes if the title you earn is "Princess."
  • You have the option of purchasing Ball tickets at a discount and selling or giving them to friends, coworkers, and strangers on the street. This is NOT a requirement and is NOT factored in judging, but it dramatically increases the volume of people you'll have screaming for you in the audience!  Love from the audience is heavily factored in judging.
  • When you win a Royal Title like “Princess” or “Queen,” we will make sure you KNOW IT!  Choosing a stage name with such an honorific in it would be presumptuous.
  • Should you win, you will need to think about your support crew during the KGC.  A driver is quite nice, and also someone to keep handing you water and lipstick. ;-)

Turn in your application by May 1st!
... if you want us to be happy.  It's not strictly enforced, but you do want us to be happy.